Right now

June 9, 2018

Are you OK?  Really?


I want to be fine.  In today’s world of fast and easy, to admit that things are hard and not ‘ok’ is not exciting or interesting.  People want success and enthusiasm along with the next big project.


I can’t give you that.  I can offer all that I’ve offered to Him:  a slow faithfulness to do what He puts in front of me.  It’s a faithfulness that does not glimmer with success but with tears.


To think that after nearly 3 years in another place, learning and living, my ideas and opinions would be the same is foolish.  And wishful.  I wish what I thought I knew was true.  I wish that everything would have worked out exactly as I wanted.  I wish…


When we read the Word as Promise without question, we want the answers.  We want the clear path, preferably well-lit without stones.


What we have been given is brokenness, pain, suffering, uncertainty, and loneliness.


What I have been given is a tenuous and uncertain future that hangs on the threads of finances, visas, health, and faith.  Some of these things I have little control over.  


All of these things.


Life is so uncertain, and it is so easy to be afraid.


I am not going to pretend that I have the answers.  For you.  Or for myself.  I do have ideas and dreams.  Some things I know.  I know that I do not comprehend the Unknowable One.


This I know:  


That He has good plans.  Good plans that make us like His Son.


Good plans can still be hard and uncomfortable.


That these days, these years, this future that is so bleak, are all still His.


All that I gave up, all that I will never have again, was His anyway.


Lusaka does not need more churches.  Lusaka needs better churches.  Discipleship.  Biblical literacy.


$53 billion a year is spent globally on missions.  ($60 billion is spent by Americans on their pets, so don’t get to thinking this number is high.)  And not enough has been done.


If you feed them, they will come.  But just for the food.  Then again, sometimes Jesus fed them.


I can come to Him, broken and hungry.


These dreams of a movement from small beginnings are hard and big.  And worth it.  He is worth it.


I can’t fix it.  


He will.



"So let it go, my soul.  And trust in Him.  The waves and wind still know His name."












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