I Can't Do It

May 25, 2015

Many, many, many, many...people have told me, "I couldn't do what you are doing."  Or, even better, "You guys are so amazing...!"


We are not.  I am not.


We don't have a choice.  Going to Zambia is what we are called to do.  What we have been created to pursue right now.  We have so disrupted our lives, and God has made it so clear that we should go, anything else is not a choice.


But it isn't easy.  I am beginning to hyperventilate over the packing.  Things take up so much space and weigh so much more than I realized (we have moved over 8 times and traveled extensively, but I still wasn't prepared for this).  I can't figure out the details of what we need to do here to have everything in order (updated wills, shots and immunizations, paperwork for visas, multiple notarized copies of every document we could possibly need, bank accounts consolidated, mailing addresses stopped and forwarded, medical and dental exams, packing and sorting, visiting family, etc.).  Thankfully, there is too much going on to allow time for anxiety over all that lies ahead (discovering more financial partners, finding housing, finding a vehicle, ordering and packing medical supplies, applying for long-term visas, passing exams in Zambia, learning a new language, cultural learning, flying for over 38 hours with kids, etc.).


It is all very human and unglamorous (and includes trying to calculate how much deodorant and toothpaste we need).  


We have all been called to go to Zambia.  But I don't want to leave my Sharpies, books, and holiday decorations behind (and friends, but I can't think about that yet).  The kids REALLY don't want to miss their friends and leave behind many beloved possessions.  Andy doesn't want to continue to listen to me whine :)!


So, if you ever attempt to commend me for what we are doing, please know that  I appreciate the encouragement.  I love the chance to talk about Zambia.  We are excited.  But I will probably just stand there, speechless.  Because I CAN NOT do this.  Grace will do it through me.


But I can't promise I won't cry and whine occassionally.  And eat chocolate.


"God gives the strength that it takes,
And he knows the price that you pay.
The life you’ve been called to, will not be in vain.
So don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid!"


(And lest this sounds less-than-enthusiastic, I am thrilled to go to Zambia!  Really!  Worst-case scenario, we can make it with just a water fiter and each other!)




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